John Hilgeman  0:14  
Hello, this is John Hilgeman for Lambda Reports a program by and for the lesbian and gay community in the St. Louis area. This is the second in a two part tribute to Patrick Leonard, who died of AIDS on March the 26th of 1989. My guests on this program are Diana and Alan McLenigan, Patrick's mother and stepfather, and Pat Gregory, who worked a lot in the NAMES Project with Patrick over the last year. And I might just mention, just to start with that the NAMES Project is responsible for putting together the AIDS Memorial Quilt which is composed of over nine thousand three foot by six foot cloth panels, each made by lovers, family members or friends of someone who has died of AIDS and it's currently on tour through this country. It's going into Canada, it will be in Washington, DC for the third time, this coming October. And there are chapters throughout the world now in various countries, workshops, making panels and Patrick was largely largely responsible for the formation of a workshop in the chapter here in St. Louis. We want to talk more about AIDS today because Patrick died of AIDS and I want to ask Dianna to talk a bit about some things that she wants to say.

Diana McLenigan  1:40  
Okay, I would like to start with the time that Pat first told me over the phone, he was diagnosed with full blown AIDS. This was April 22 1987. The first thing he said, I'm sorry, mom. You know, that was Pat, he was sorry, because he felt like he was putting a burden on me. And from that time on, our lives changed. I was in a process of moving from Wichita, Kansas to New York, I was going to get married. And I wanted to change my plans and stay where he was. And he says, No, Mom, I want you to go and do what you have intended, had intended to do. Even then, while he was in the hospital bed, he was so sick. He said, He says, I'm going to be okay, I'm going to get out of the hospital. And he said, I'll be just fine. You just wait and see. And of course, like a mother I, I was trying to deal with this. And it took me quite a while to deal with this path. I think he had about a month where he was thinking about things, you know, and he, he decided this disease was not going to get him. He got mad. And he says, No way. He said, You aren't going to get my body and his energies, His Spirit, His positive thinking came through to me. And every time I would talk to him, which would be about every day. He would just, you know, be more positive about things. And he helped me so much and strength and the courage that he had. And he would get I think the most the main thing that bothered him is the bureaucracy of the welfare system, the Medicaid, everything that he here, he was so sick with this awful disease. And he's having to deal with all these other problems. And what a burden. I mean, this was something that should nobody should have to go through especially when you're so sick as he was. But he dealt with it and he did it. And this is one thing that he wants to see eliminated that you don't have. People don't have to deal with all the red tape to get the rights to pri the … what is it I want to say, that just the necessary items to keep on living. He just kept on top of everything. We talked and we talked and I think it was like about eight months after he was was diagnosed. He talked to me maybe it was a year, I'm not sure he we talked for about two, two hours about his death and about what he wanted to do. And he did the talking, I did the listening and I was I guess it was kind of in shock. I mean, he had his memorial service, all planned, he had his living will, he we had already discussed, you know, at his diagnosis about not, he did not want to be put on a respirator. And he had everything all all planned for his service. And he he was positive about everything. He said he wanted to be a celebration, and which it was

Diana McLenigan  5:54  
I will miss him server very much. I'll miss caught talking to him every day as I used to. But I cannot sit quiet. And I will not say quiet. I think this is something that was planned. And he was a tool used for opening up making people aware of what is going on in this world. And I make a plea to many mothers and fathers out there. Do not let your child die alone. Do not let their death go in vain. Stand up and speak. Do something. Say something. Make them proud. Be proud of your children.

Alan Lenigan  7:00  
Thank you, Deanna.

John Hilgeman  7:00  
Pat, do you wanna? 

Patrick Gregory  7:04  
Yeah, it's kind of tough to follow. But I just have something that I want to say. I think that Patrick taught me more about guts and courage and spirit, and about living life to its fullest under the most difficult of circumstances. And I also learned a whole lot about love and how, how much he gave and and how much it could make things work. It was just amazing. And then I saw the love in his family and the people that surrounded him. And it was really special and something that I won't forget. And how we energize people was just amazing. And Dan is right. And he's he's not gone at all. He's here. He's right here with us in spirit, and we're gonna keep going. Okay.

Alan Lenigan  7:48  
Patrick's courage was really amazing. Even up to his final day, in the hospital at St. Luke's he, he knew full well what his destiny was. But it didn't seem to cause him to become depressed, or feeling that it all was lost. He remained strong on the morning of Sunday, Easter Sunday, March 26. And it was necessary, about seven o'clock that morning to to give him additional oxygen to help his lungs absorb oxygen for his blood. And all through this, he he knew where he knew what was going to happen. And we unfortunately, knew also what his ultimate destiny was. We hoped that the he would make a rebound. We knew that he could not. But even to the last hour, he was complaining like a normal person in a hospital, didn't like the food, didn't like being there and wanted to get out. And shortly thereafter, he went to sleep with dignity. We will miss him terribly.

John Hilgeman  9:13  
I think of that last morning and at one point where he where he couldn't catch his breath and he was saying I don't think I'm going to make it I don't think I'm going to make it but he kept on fighting and eventually with the oxygen he did. His breathing did get stronger and better. But eventually he did die that day. And I think of you know he really he he fought and

John Hilgeman  9:43  
I don't know I guess there's there's so much that I'd like to say

Alan Lenigan  9:53  
it's difficult to find the words. To sum to sum up Patrick's ordeal.

John Hilgeman  10:02  
I think we would really my denial system was really strong and no, because I in looking back, I could see that for the last well since last summer, I guess or even longer than that his sicknesses became more more frequent. He was more debilitated his hospitalizations, more more frequent, more complications. And he kept even when he was in the hospital, there would be a point where he'd kind of snap back a bit and he would be jovial and but this last time, when he went to the hospital, the day he went in the day after he went into the hospital, it really hit me when he said that the doctor had said that if he had to put him on a respirator, he'd be on it for the rest of his life. And he'd die in the hospital. And I said, How do you feel about that? It was it was like getting kicked in the gut, actually, because I realized that this might be the end. And he said he if he didn't feel too good about that, and and, you know, the, really, I guess, as that time in the hospital went on, it became apparent that he wasn't going to look things that time. And he eventually died of it. And but I think to one, one key thing is that he didn't die alone. He died with family and friends, is surrounded by a lot of family and friends all through all throughout the last couple of years. And I remember another instance, where Deanna and Alan when you got married, and the extraordinary thing that happened that that day after the wedding were Pat gathered the whole family together and talked with the whole family about having AIDS and about his death, and about his impending death and things like that, and the tremendous outpouring of how it really opened people up and the tremendous support he got from people. And, you know, I just would like to join with you please and saying, families don't deny your children and don't abandon them. These are your flesh and blood. And, and if you have family means anything, it means love. Your family means anything, it means those ties. And just to think of people dying, denied by their family, or forgotten by their family, and friends, it is just an awful thing. And yet I know it happens all too frequently. And I think it's a real tragedy. It's a tragedy, not only for the person who dies that way. But it's a tragedy for the family, because the families we would have missed out on so much. Oh, definitely had we not known Patrick had we not pulled close to Patrick and had we not let him love us and had we not loved him, our lives would have been much poorer.

Patrick Gregory  12:54  
When I when I think of the stigma attached to someone dying from AIDS, and then you think of Patrick and it, it didn't matter, gay or straight, or black or white, the diversity of people we had down at the workshop and the diversity of friends that he had, it didn't matter to him, except that the person was a good person. You know, that was what was important to him. And I wish everybody could be that open and honest, and respectful. And I'm gonna miss him a lot I already do. And I didn't know him all that long, but we became good friends. And it's like, it's like a part of you like your jigsaw puzzle and a little piece is taken out and chipped away. And nobody can put that piece back in because no one else can fit it.

Diana McLenigan  13:37  
I feel privileged to have been with my son. I had to watch him die. That was very, very hard. But I held his hand for his last breath. And he knew I was there. And that's what's so important. He knew what was there. And he knew that John and Dan and Alan everyone was there. And he did not die alone.

Alan Lenigan  14:05  
We are certain that many of our listeners are going through something a similar experience. And we hope that they will have learned from what we've discussed today. We want to remind everyone that the AIDS virus is a very serious health concern. And it's going to get much worse before it begins to get better. The important thing at this point, of course, is to make sure that all your loved ones and your family, your children understand how this virus has spread and how to avoid its transmission.

John Hilgeman  14:42  
I'd like to add just one final thing right before we conclude and that is that I know that this is going to be aired at least once on a Sunday morning and perhaps some of you who are listening are on your way to church. And I hope that you keep in mind that the essence of

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