Making Sense out of Getting Old 


The invisibility of age starts to rub off of an old codger who aged fairly well for a time. 

I haven't been writing much these days. With almost nobody reading this blog, it takes guts to continue to contribute to it. But it's time that I take responsibility for what has happened. I don't know what I was thinking when I began back in October 21 of 2005. I guess I thought "Write it and they will read." Guess again. Most blogging is community, advertising and an occasional genius. I've been doing this in camera without a thought to any of these things. The few people that I prodded or pleaded with to read the blog said stuff like "Wonderful," "That's nice," or "I have to go to the grocery store right now. Catch you later." But of course if you ask non-bloggers (maybe even no-longer-readers) to read what is essentially an on-line journal with an occasional essay on esoteric topics, what else are they going to do?

So . . . I've learned a lesson. Whatever I'm doing, it's not blogging in the popular sense, even if I am using iBlog software to do it. But that doesn't mean I have been wasting my time with my on-line journaling and reflecting. Actually, I have clarified quite a few things for myself. I sure have clarified my knowledge of my alleged Christianity. It is a stretch, calling myself a Christian, but I did figure out a way to do it with a semblance of integrity. Even if few would agree with me. The development over time of a set of now 14 categories in which to place the now 71 entries told me what I was spending time thinking about and how much I was thinking about it.

But beyond this little exercise in self-expression, I think it's interesting what I AM thinking about that I am definitely NOT writing about. I've been thinking a lot about how hard it is to have reached a certain age where people begin to classify you as an old fuddy-duddy. See, even the word I used to describe this is the word of an old fuddy-duddy.

Having all my life experienced discrimination because of my sexual orientation, both intended and unintended, it took an amazingly long time to put a word to the age discrimination that I have been experiencing now for the last several years. Indeed, it is every bit as subtle as racial or sex discrimination because it operates from unspoken cues from those on the "inside." Here are some of the things I have noticed.

Even when we do attempt through exercise or cosmetics to minimize the signs of aging—wrinkles, sagging skin and body parts, various age spots, loss of hair, thicker glasses, presbyopia, limps, sore joints, slower moving bodies—there still comes a point when we visibly move into "the older generation." Every "younger generation" has its set of stereotypes associated with those much older. They are fed a youth loving culture daily by the mass media. And, let's face it, the older generation has amassed considerable power and wealth for itself. But the one thing money can't buy is eternal youth, and this is the power card of younger people. They are themselves trying to carve out a domain of influence, and they are making themselves distinctive by a set of subcultural beliefs, attitudes, and habits. Granting that there are exceptions to this practice and elaborate detailed variations from the predominant pattern, this is the reality that every aging person faces.

Some of the ways I have experienced it on the street, in informal social groups and in public meetings are these. Lack of eye-contact. People talking to each other and not including the aged person as a third. Difficulty in finding conversation topics of interest to both parties. Impatience. Lack of trust to perform simple social or institutional rituals effectively.

Also, it is hard to distinguish age discrimination from the kind of avoidance and exclusion that simply is the result of one social power group trying to get its previously understood and agreed agenda to move forward. These kind of power struggles go on in almost every social context where group decisions have to be made. They do not always have to be due to young against old; indeed they may be the exact opposite in this or that context. However, the reality of moving through time is that power and influence eventually needs must flow from older to younger hands and minds.

I accept that this is the unavoidable consequence of people living their lives in bodies that age and communicating their thoughts and intentions both through the language they use and through the deeds they do or don't do. I have no intention of throwing in the towel just because this is the way things are. But I am saying that it is hard, especially for a sensitive soul.

I've learned some things too. I've learned that if you complain too much about your encroaching infirmities, it tends to disqualify you for somewhat demanding tasks in the minds of the younger and healthier, especially if they are themselves perfectionists or control freaks. I've learned that I don't know as much as I thought I did, because things are always changing, and I'm talking mostly to older people now. I've learned that it's much better for my own attitude to remain productively involved and interrelated at a level that I can handle.

One thing I know is, my youth is past. I run into these New Age junkies all the time that don't want to discuss these issues:"Your soul is timeless," or "I don't identify with my body," or even more in denial, "I'm going to live forever." My counselor is such a person. And, of course, properly understood, these thoughts are probably helpful. But they also can lead to someone sticking their head in the sand. There ARE seasons and cycles in life, and unless we die young, we eventually die old. Nothing is wrong with that. I'm kind of glad I was able to hang around this long.  

Posted: Sat - August 12, 2006 at 10:49 PM          

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