A Response to David G. DuBois:
The Appreciation of Diversity from a Queer Perspective
Jim Andris, Associate Professor
Southern Illinois University at Edwardsville
January 27, 1995
We are met here today to celebrate the legacy of W. E. DuBois and to explore ways of celebrating diversity in the world and on this campus. It is with great pride that I do my best in this talk to represent the interests of a specific group of human beings: gay men, lesbians, bisexuals and transgendered individuals. W. E. DuBois taught that both black and white suffer as the result of pervasive white racism. It is equally true that both men and women suffer because of pervasive male sexism and that both straight and gay suffer because of pervasive heterosexism and homophobia. If I can help to show the benefits of overcoming heterosexism·and homophobia, I shall be celebrating diversity, and, I believe, the legacy of W. E. DuBois.
As I prepared this talk, I had before me a paper by our esteemed guest speaker today, David G. DuBois, who has, among many other achievements, devoted himself to furthering the teachings of his father. As I was reading this paper, I found myself reflecting on my relationship to my own father. I hope you will bear with me as I trace a bit of my history, for I believe it to be quite instructive. Fernand Andris was born the son of Belgian immigrants who practiced the trade of glass blowing. He grew up in Marietta, Ohio, “on the wrong side of the tracks.” He was a tough street kid who had seen all of the seamy side of life by a very young age. My father, now passed away, was very much the subject of white racism, in that the established citizens of Marietta, Ohio, “the first organized settlement in the Northwest Territory,” descended from Puritains, looked down on these “dirty Belgians” and “Greene Street dirtynecks.”
Dad turned out to be a successful business person: first as a grocer, then as a realtor and developer. But he never forgot the hard lessons learned on Greene Street. He taught his three children, of which I was the oldest, that racism and classism were wrong; worse than that, they were sins against God. More than once we had poor people or African Americans in our house for dinner. Even with this excellent teaching, I did not escape the grips of white racism. I remember how revolutionary was the “black is beautiful” concept when first I encountered it. Now I know that black is beautiful, and I'll tell you more about that later.
My father, however, and bless his heart, was much more deeply in the grips of male sexism and homophobia. He idolized John Wayne. Needless to say, my mother had some very strong sexist expectations to live by, expectations which she by and large accepted. And I, being a homosexual, grew up in extreme alienation from my father. I did the standard things. I pretended to be straight. I dated, was even engaged, until late in my college career. I did my best to supress my natural emotional and sexual feelings towards men. It wasn't until I was thirty that I "came out.” What was so hard for me was that my parents had both taught me that it was wrong to lie, and yet were implicitly expecting me to lie about my sexual orientation.
As I was growing up I was a hypochondriac and a very introverted person. I literally wasted my youth in hiding. I several times seriously contemplated committing suicide. My suffering was great, yet I now see that it was all due to internalized homophobia and heterosexism. I was terrified beyond all reason of simply being who I now know myself to be.
One of the first things that I did when I came out was to speak to my mother and father directly about this matter. Over a period of many years, my family of origin and I came to an state of mutual acceptance. There were, however, barriers between us that we never overcame, barriers that will separate us until we are no longer alive.
One barrier was “coupleism.” By this term, I mean, the expectation of all children that when they grow up they will find someone of the opposite sex and have grandchildren. After all my years of patient instruction with my mother, there we were at my father's funeral, my mother clutching on to my arm and crying and telling me that she worries about me because I don't have someone special like my brother and sister do. My lover of ten years, Stephen, is sitting right behind us. I simply said to her, lovingly and patiently, “But mom, I do have someone.” Then she realized her misperception.
Another separating barrier, intractable in the case of my family, is a certain kind of fundamentalist religious perspective. My father and mother were the victims of TV evangelism and vehicles for bigotry such as the magazine “The Plain Truth.” According to this theory, homosexuality is a sin against God, and the verification of this belief can be found by simply reading the Holy Scriptures. The most a true believer can ever hope to give to homosexuals is pity, compassion and prayers that they will see the error of their ways. My father went to his grave praying for my soul, as I'm sure my mother will, too.
There is yet a final barrier that separated me from my family of origin and separates hundreds of millions of people, both straight and gay, from their families. I learned many negative messages about sex of any kind as I was growing up, both from parents and from my social enclave. First, I learned that sex was dirty and bad. Later I learned that because I was a male, I had certain perogatives. It was only decades later that I realized that these perogatives were sexist. I could lie about my sexual encounters with women to my male peers. This braggadadocio was a central part of the ritual of becoming a man. There were also the dirty jokes, vehicles exquisite for sexist, racist and homophobic sentiment. The salesmen in my dad's grocery store, the musicians I played the piano with, and my dad's male friends had regular joke orgies. But I was forbidden to speak of, or even alude to any of this in school, in the presence of women, or in any polite company. In polite company, the only way to talk about sex was either to talk about the children in a marriage (good), or the illegitimate children or heterosexual affairs outside of marriage (bad). The tacit assumption was and is that sex for its own sake or sex outside of marriage was bad, dangerous, promiscuous, evil, selfish, disgusting. The assumption that the only legitimate purpose for sex is the procration of children I am going to call “procreationism.”
Coupleism, male chauvinism, procreationism and fundamentalism are the sworn enemies of the appreciation of diversity, and they complement racism in this function. Procreationism condemns homosexual relationships because no children can result from their sexual component. Coupleism and procreationism, combined with male chauvinism, condemn homosexual relationships, for how can two men live with one another, unless one is subservient to the other; how can two women live together without fulfilling their purpose of bringing forth children. Coupleism and fundamentalism condemn women-identified men and men-identified women, for in these viewpoints, everything is indeed white and black, male and female, right or wrong. Fundamentalism gives procreationism, male chauvinism, and coupleism the additional anti-intellectual push of claiming that God has mandated them.
I want to read you a poem. I've had to edit the poem, because I'm very aware that the taboo against frank and open discussion of sexual matters is still very much in effect. These words came from the pen of Yves Lubin, also known as Assotto Saint, a gay black poet born in Haiti who spent most of his adult life in New York. He received many awards for books he edited or wrote. He died on June 29, 1994 of AIDS. But these words of Assotto Saint express more accurately than any I have found the rage that aware homosexuals must feel at their oppression at the hands of fundamentalist, procreationist coupleism. The poem is called “Devils in America.” My apologies to the poet for altering his words.
i was born on all angels day
but throughout my life
i've been a bitch out of hell/
don't nobody show up at my funeral
to call me nice or some [crap] (shit) like that/
save it for the turncoat [queers] (cocksuckers)
who on their deathbeds
open their mouths wide to claim god/
though christianity befuddles me
i'm amazed at how it enslaves
the gay african-american community/
lately i've wished there's such a thing
as the almighty 'cause on judgment day
i'd unload a few choice words:
hey, omnicient you
do you feel proud with so much
madness committed in your name/
hey omnipotent you
aint you got nothing better to do
than making folks suffer/
hey omnipresent you
do you remember my (lovers) [buddies] & i [make love] (buttfuck)/
go screw yourself
asshole of the universe/
can i get a witness/
Our desire for immortality and propriety as it has become enshrined in the dominant culture has led us down some restrictive roads. We need some new models for how human beings relate to each other and to eternity. Truly embracing diversity can be a salvation to us. Truly embracing diversity means white embracing black, black embracing white. Without fear. Truly embracing diversity means man embracing man and woman embracing woman, as well as woman and men embracing. Without anger. Truly embracing God means seeing the loving potential, including sexual potential, in all humans, indeed, in all sentient life. Just as color, so sex is a beautiful thing in all its diversity.
It has always amazed me how we are ever fascinated by diversity in the animal kingdom but apparently repelled by it in humans. There are butterflies of thousands of colors, patterns and shapes—all beautiful. There are animals and plants to fill every niche. We now even try to preserve endangered species. Isn't it obvious that there must be a continuum of sexual orientation and gender identity? Why can't we appreciate and reward this healthy diversity as the gift from creation that it is?
I need to say a word about that word “queer,” a word that has gained quite wide currency in lesbian and gay writing. If you find it offensive, recall that people found the word “gay” offensive just a couple of decades ago. We chose that word to make a bad word good and to give power to ourselves. We gave up that word because it excluded women and we wanted to empower them, too. And just talking about gays, lesbians and bisexuals leaves out those of alternative gender identity. We also wanted to empower transgendered persons. As it turns out, the word “queer” actually does a pretty good job of calling attention to the group in question. Queer, you see, is anything that doesn't fit the fundamentalist couplist model. Procreationism, coupleism and fundamentalism see queer as bad. Queer implies strange, odd, wierd. What self-respecting man, some ask, would want to dress in women's clothes anyway? What intelligent woman would want to waste her family creating potential by devoting herself to her work?
Queers are outsiders, and that's just how we feel. Very few people want to talk to us about our real lives. They are either uncomfortable with the topic or think they'll be invading our privacy or have reservations about our lifestlye or lack the experience to be sure they won't offend us or someone overhearing the conversation or have more important things to think about. And many, perhaps most, of us have bought into this pact of silence, this social “don't ask, don't tell” policy. Many ostensibly straight people still have their gay jokes in private, still would be horrified to discover that one or more of their children are queer.
For example, I have a very interesting family, but very few of my colleagues know or care about it, precisely because of the reasons I have listed above. My lover of ten years has a daughter who lived with us from her junior year in high school and is now in law school. She was present at the blessing of our union at Trinity Episcopal Church. We nurtured her as she struggled with, and eventually accepted her own lesbian identity. Last year my lover, Stephen became the full time nanny (“danny” as he calls it) for an two month old African American boy who was adopted by two close lesbian friends. It is my true joy to be present as this beautiful young man grows up with us. I am also so proud of Stephen for doing this extremely important job.
Let me tell you about family values. This is my family, you know—Stephen, his daughter Stephanie, little Eli and his two moms, Debra and Susan. In our family our values are love, compassion, shared responsibility, inclusiveness and cooperation. And I happen to think that we are a model of what a family should be, because we do not teach racism, fundamentalism or couplism, either subtly or blatantly. And three fifths of us are vegetarian. Eli and I are still working on that one.
I want to consider two more topics in this response: our forgotten queer youth and the price of heterosexism and homophobia to society. Imagine how oppressive such a system is to a post pubescent adolescent. It is no wonder that fair estimates show that 30% of all the adolescent suicides are probably related to real or imagined feelings of inadequacy surrounding sexual orientation or gender identity. Over a period of many years I have been in most of the area high schools supervising student teachers. Many times I have observed students harassing one another about their sexual orientation. Male students accuse female students of being lesbian because they won't respond to sexual innuendo. Students call each other “faggot” or “dyke” as an almost thoughtless putdown. Teachers stand by while such posturings go on and say nothing, perhaps fearing the loss of their job if they do.
We need to reexamine and change a society which requires our male youth to establish their identity through competitive posturing that requires them to put down losers, and which automatically defines homosexuals, women and persons of color as losers. We need to reexamine and change a society that is afraid to discuss sex in school and in polite company and yet embraces it with wild abandon in private. We need to reexamine and change a society that can be so insensitive and uncaring about the needs of millions of people.
Here at the University over the twenty five years that I have been here, I have listened to tale after tale of outrageous discrimination towards students and faculty because of their sexual orientation. I have watched in the Goshen Lounge as fiendish young men dropped a snake on a panel discussion on homosexuality. I have been chased across campus by bible-waving students in Harley motorcycle jackets. I have been reviled by a faculty person of color for having the audacity to put homosexuals in the same class as African Americans, an offense to this person's religious beliefs. I have been lectured in the Alestle by Religious Center Staff. I have come to know of the terror some of our community feel at being discovered.
At this University and in the nation, and despite recent political developments, there are some promising signs of improvement, however. We have a new order here. We have been given our marching orders to make this University appreciative of diversity. Without at all meaning to curry favor, let me express my sincere appreciation to our President Nancy Belck for establishing a new climate of mutual respect and trust on our campus. I believe that we must meet this challenge. We are soon to have a diversity plan that, I am sure, will emphasize the elimination of discrimination and the inclusion of underrepresented groups into the full spectrum of campus life. We need to embrace with vigor the new educational opportunities which are opening up to us. It's going to be hard work, you know. Old habits die hard. But the pride and satisfaction of being at a University that is a model of cooperation and mutual appreciation is going to be worth every extra hour spent with students, every difficult new baby step towards knowing each other.
In this talk, I could have focused on the many points of advance in our society and in the world for homosexual and transgendered rights. For example, the State of Massachusetts, led by Governor Weld, has passed legislation which specifically prohibits harassing high school students for reason of their sexual orientation. For the first time anywhere in the country, students who are the subject of such harassment or discrimination can sue their criminal attackers. This same state formed a Governor's Commision on Gay and Lesbian Youth and produced a report which recommends that colleges and universities reduce invisibility on campus, train, inform and educate the campus community, reduce hasrassment and violence and insure the safety of students, deal with isolation and social needs of gay / les/ bi trans individuals.
The High School Journal recently devoted a very positive double issue to the gay teenager. There are excellent articles documenting the name-calling, the need for a balanced sex education curriculum, the need for a curriculum which includes historical references relevant to gays and lesbians, and even the politics of adolescent sexual identity.
The American Psychological Association recently released a Resolution of Lesbian, Gay and Bisexual Youths in the Schools which documents extensive research on queer issues: the invisibility, the lack of equal opportunity, the physical violence at home and at school, the lowered self-esteem and self- injurious behaviors, the increased risk of HIV infection, and the special problems of African Americans and persons with disabilities who are also gay, lesbian, bisexual or transgendered. The Resolution goes on to propose that the APA take a leadership role in promoting societal and familial attutides and behaviors that affirm the dignity and rights, within educational environments, of all lesbian, gay and bisexual youths, and in providing a safe and secure educational environment for these youths.
In fact, I could have focused on many such advances in this paper. I could have focused on the fact that same sex couples at many universities now have domestic partnership rights, including medical insurance—at the Universities of Iowa, Minnesota and Pennsylvania, for example. I might have discussed Rutgers or Northeastern Universty, where my partner's daughter goes to law school. At Northeastern there are five openly gay administrators, including the executive vice-provost, and their affirmative action plan includes recruiting openly lesbian or gay faculty. Some would say that my failure to discuss the nation's past AIDS policies as an example of overt homophobia and even genicide is irresponsible. I could have sketched the growing field of gay and lesbian studies, or discussed the excellent available
materials for creating a queer curriculum.
However, I reserve the final moments of this talk to consider what I believe is the most significant reason why heterosexism and homophobia should stop today on this campus, and why all of us should make an extra effort to appreciate the contributions that the lesbigay community has made to our institution and to society and will continue to make. Let me become personal once more. I have through much struggle come to the realization that, whether people realize it or not, I truly am a gift of creation. I have come to realize that without my perspective and the perspective of my gay brothers and sisters, this University and the world would lead a truly truncated existence.
As hidden insiders and outsiders, many of us have a special and fresh perspective on the problems of discrimination and exclusion that others can learn from. Unless we speak out about our repression, others not of our persuasion will not be able to see how truly limiting are the strictures of a sexist America on men and women. Many, but not all, of course, male homosexuals have a special sensitivity to the arts and to women's perspective just because these areas allow them to be more fully who they are. I can explain to you how homophobia and misogyny are actually just two sides of the same coin and result from one form of the socialization of men and women into rigid and restrictive roles, because I have experienced it first hand. These insights can help men and women to be more able to be in authentic loving and living relationships.
If it weren't for homosexuals living in loving and authentic same-sex relationships, there would be no one to challenge the repressive patriarchal beliefs that we still hear blazing from our legislatures and pulpits. If there weren't for the transsexuals, the drag queens and the transvestites, we wouldn't know about Nature's wonderful capacity for diversity and even Her sense of humor. We wouldn't be able to see what victims of fashion we have all become. Rodney Wilson is an outspoken high school teacher here in St. Louis who is helping to spearhead the move to make October National Gay and Lesbian History Month. If it weren't for courageous people like Rodney Wilson, gay and lesbian teenagers in St. Louis high schools would have no hope at all of authentication and validation. I thank God that in order to find out about my sexual orientation in 1973 I was forced to go to a gay bar in East St. Louis and thereby confront my own racist fears. Unless I had been forced to the margins of society along with the blacks, the drug addicts, the prostitutes and the other homosexuals, I would not be standing here before you today, telling you: “Look! Just look at what we have done,” and imploring you: “We no longer have to live like this.”
In conclusion, we need each other. We need to honor each other. We need to listen to each other tell our own truths. I know that personally, I must stand with the women and the men, the blacks and the whites, the gays and the straights on this campus and in the world until every last vestage of the failure to appreciate diversity is rooted out. It looks like I won't be going for that early retirement after all.