I'm into metaphysics, though quite by accident,
'Cause scientific principles have always been my bent.
My old first lover, David, he gave me lots of grief
By challenging my unexamined skeptical beliefs.
He said, "What have you studied about astrology?"
I said that's not appropriate for learned Ph. D.'s.
He gave me Goodman's Sunsigns and said, "Please, just take a look."
And much to my surprise, my friends and I were in that book.
So seventeen years later there ain't nothing I ain't tried;
I'm rolfed and meditated, massaged and purified,
Rebirthed and levitated within a pyramid.
I'm proud to say I've done things that my daddy never did.>
I always take a lesson in whatever comes to me.
I always tilt discussion towards synchronicity.
It got so bad my friend, Tom Bolman, loudly did insist,
I was a New Age Fairy, and it really made me pissed.
Chorus: He was a New Age Fairy, and it really made him pissed.
II.
I am a New Age Fairy; it helps me to explain
The puzzles that have long been running 'round in my poor brain.
In youth I was effeminate, and though that made me blue,
I now know that I was a queen in ancient Egypt, too.
I
am a New Age Fairy, androgeny is in.
These macho males are skating on some ice that's awfully thin.
It used to be us bottom men the public did deride,
But now they say we're more in touch with our receptive side.
And all those gaudy rhinestones that I strung around my arm
Were just my love for crystals in embryonic form.
Those nasty boys that labled me a sissy and a wife
Now lack the sensitivity that I've had all my life.
I am a New Age Fairy, and I hope the label sticks.
My life is quite exciting, even though reviews are mixed.
I've even got a lover just as macho as they come.
But he's a New Age Fairy, too, so I ain't quite so dumb.
Chorus: But he's a New Age Fairy, too, so I ain't quite so dumb.
III.
I am a New Age Fairy; I'm politically correct,
With love for every gender, race and new religious sect.
I know we all are equal, and no one will come to grief
Except for those who don't agree with my New Age beliefs.
I am a New Age Fairy, I love the harp and flute.
I dande in dreamy moonlight, Pan-like, in my birthday suit.
And if you're dancing with me, and we touch our private parts—
Well, that's just another way the Goddess sends love to our hearts.
And, let me tell you, I've been dealt some cards that were in spades.
I've lost some of my best friends, and still others live with AIDS.
But I believe that even here holistic health is best:
If we first heal our spirits, we can handle all the rest.
I am a New Age Fairy, and have I got news for you.
It won't be long before you'll be a New Age Fairy, too,
'Cause what was once bizarre will soon become the standard way,
And everyone will dance in moonlight 'til the break of day.
Chorus: And everyone will dance in moonlight 'til the break of day.
IV.
I am a New Age Fairy; I don't eat any meat;
Though I've been known to kiss a guy or two I thought was neat.
Now you may think that's shocking, but it gets me just as hot
To see you eating animals without a second thought.
I am a New Age Fairy; I don't play any ball.
I think that base- and football are the biggest waste of all.
Instead of teaching competition when and where I can,
I try to figure out some ways to help my human clan.
And, yes, I am against the wars that wage from day to day.
I guess you could explain that by the fact that I am gay.
But I prefer to think that someone has to start somewhere.
Or we will never realize the peace that's in the air.
I am a New Age Fairy, and I say it loud and clear.
I sing it from the mountaintops, and shout it in your ear.
I guess it's just my ego that is hacking out this song.
But maybe you'll just be a sport and gaily sing along.
Chorus: But maybe you'll just be a sport and gaily sing along.
V.
I am a New Age Fairy; I am a feminist.
I think it's this one thing that gets conservatives so pissed.
They think that God intended women for subservient roles,
While I think people are both male and female in their souls.
And though I hate abortion, I still defend pro-choice.
It's not that I'd deny a little child its precious voice.
It's just that many pro-life folks have made a big smoke screen.
Their thoughts on sex and birth control are really not that Green.
I'm in the afante garde, folks, when it comes to people's clothes.
I'd gladly wear a dress or put a jewel in my nose.
For garments have been prisons, even though they don't have bars.
When decorating bodies, people, choices should be ours.
I am a New Age Fairy;and you ain't seen nothin' yet.
The changes of the future, dear, will really make you sweat.
Why don't you give your tight ass just a little bit of grease.
And, like we New Age Fairies, you will surely find release.
Chorus:
And, like we New Age Fairies, you will surely find release.
Other verses to New Age Fairy
VI.
I am a New Age Fairy; I was a model boy.
I was a perfect student and my mother's pride and joy.
I hid my honest feelings, I tried to keep in step.
It wasn't 'til my thirties that 'twas with a man I slept.
The first night that he held me, that model boy did die:
I shed my phony self, and I became a butterfly.
I shucked my guilty burden, and I dumped a load of crap
And saw that homosexuals had been given a bad rap.
And us molesting children, well, we now know that's a lie.
It turns out that wife-beating is the sty in the straight eye.
Although no matter what the barrel that you look into,
You're bound to find a few divergent apples in there, too.
I am a New Age Fairy, and I'm blowing you a kiss.
I'm putting you in white light and surrounding you with bliss;
And maybe this good energy will open up your mind.
You'll loosen up your categories and become more kind.
VII.
I am a New Age Fairy; it's time that we got real.
It's time that someone spoke to you about this family deal.
You talk as if a family is a mommie and a dad,
A house, care and two children, and this really makes me mad.
I've also got a family; we're just as good as you:
My lover and his daughter, and I really love them, too.
And so I now present you with the answer to your quiz:
Wherever people love each other, that's where family is.
And though you've told us not to flaunt our sexuality,
I've watched with patient wisdom while you've flaunted yours at me.
If you would just stop judging others, it would be so great,
'Cause everyone could let their hair down and just celebrate.
I am a New Age Fair, and I'm really feeling good.
Get over it if you don't think I'm acting like I should.
You need to more appreciate the gifts we bring to you,
And love us like your Older Brother taught us how to do.
VIII.
I am a New Age Fairy; I never waste my time
On negatives like illness, sadness, burglary or crime.
When I see trouble coming, I put it in white light.
And pretty soon what seemed to look like trouble, looks just right.
I say my affirmations most every single day.
I feel so close to God now that it's just the way I pray.
And if that doesn't do it, then I do my mastermind
With every Harry, Sue and Aloicious I can find.
Yes, I believe that we create the future for ourselves—
Some have chosen to be dragons; some have chosen to be elves.
And you must have a passing interest in this fairy, dear.
Despite your reservations, you have chosen to be here.
And maybe you'll forgive me for this sexual metaphor.
I'm trying to be gentle, and I hope you don't get sore.
I am a New Age Fairy, and I'm really on a roll
Injecting all this metaphysics deep into your soul.
IX.
I am a New Age Fairy, and I am heaven-sent.
God said it's time for us to have a queen for president.
I pledge to you commitment to make our country fair.
Each state would have to have a male and female senator.
I'd free our education from its oppressive chains.
We wouldn't force our boys and girls to go against their grain.
Instead, we would encourage them to always speak the truth.
The future of a nation is dependent on its youth.
Remember that interior design is our great strength.
To beautify the country, we would go to any length.
I'll paint bright green the Monument, and just to make you think,
I'd next redo the Congress, and I'd paint the White House pink.
I am a New Age Fairy, and I'm one outrageous queer.
If you don't like my camping, you can blow it out your ear . . .
Oh my, I am behaving like a stereotypic gay. (embarrased hesitation)
The judge directs the audience to look the other way.