The Realist
© 1968 by Jim Andris
(Sung to the tune of "The Thing.")
As I was teaching H530 late one Wednesday night,
A woman raised her hand; she was in a terrible state of fright.
She said she was a realist, a naive one to boot, and …
The class, first taken aback, begin to boo and shout and hoot.
Yes … the class, first taken aback, begin to boo and shout and hoot.
I raised my hand, then calmed the class, and spoke in Dewey's name:
"Experience is fallible, there is no knowledge claim,
And yet it is progressive in communities sublime."
But … the woman, being a realist, would not confess her crime.
No … the woman, being a realist, would not confess her crime.
So then I quoted James, although we know he is uncouth:
"If realism works for you, dear lady, it's the truth."
The woman nodded, students cheered and cooed contented sighs,
For I'd converted a realist, right before their eyes.
Yes … I'd converted a realist, right before their eyes.
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