Jim Andris, Facebook

Autobiography

Reality is a concept dependent …

© Glenda Dilley/Cea Hearth, March, 1978

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When I became seriously involved in gay rights work in 1977, I used my other name, my real name, whatever, and I learned the meaning of paranoia. I had a 5 by 7 picture in the newspaper and became assaulted by reporters calling at all hours of the day and night, being on televison and having threats against me in the newspaper. It was very fine in many ways to be that role, but it was somewhat hard in other ways. So this song, Autobiography, is about that, comes from that period of time. I used to have visions; I had a running debate in the public column with some Bible-waving people. They would write in, and I would write in with the voice of reason. One letter had me consigned to Hell in the newspaper. So I went back with my reply, and the editor said they were finished with that series and wouldn't print it

. . .

So anyway, this is where this Autobiography song comes from. I lived at a farm then. I was glad that I lived at Rural Route 1 then, so people that I didn't want to see couldn't look me up.

Lately I've seen both extremes of certain human traits—

So much, so completely contradictory
I must confess I've pointed fingers at myself
And then I thought, oh, well, you know
I'm just a child but once you know
And I look around and there I go I
look around and there I go I look around
and there I go again, again

When I was a small girl
   I knew not what to be
I said I'd be a wrestler and they
   just laughed at me
So then I said I'd be a teacher
This caused the heads to nod

Instead I work the night shift
   at this motel here in town
Coffee in the morning keeps the lids
   from closing down
Well I looked around and there I'd gone
Something else I'd not planned on
I looked around and there I'd gone again, again

When growing up I knew quite well
         right from wrong
Now I cannot tell you—not even in a song
And I never planned on being too far from my home
Now I find my best home mainly when I sit alone
And I never thought I'd stray too far
         from this society
Now I have to frankly ask
         how much farther can you be?

And I look around and there I go
Where I'm going to I don't know
I look around and there I go again, again
I used to tell you exactly where I stood
Heard myself preachin 'bout what I thought was good
But now I find a change—
my thoughts and actions sometimes strange
Thinking and feeling can bring me to despair
Leading me roughly to places hard to bear

Then I look around and there I go
Smiling once more, don't you know
I look around and there I go again, again.