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I Never Can Say Goodbye

There I was, standing in the doorway of our home of one year, watching Jonathon and his new lover, Dan, drive away a Ford van full of nearly everything in the house, including the piano. But God is just, and they broke an axle on the way to Chicago. Me, I broke a heart.

(Begin playing Gloria Gaynor's Never Can Say Goodbye)

I never can say goodbye
No, no, no I, I never can say goodbye

fade to background)

Every time I think I've had enough
and start heading for the door
There's a very strange vibration
piercing me right to the core

It says turn around you fool,
you know you love him more
and more
Tell me why is it so?
Don't wanna let you go

Jonathon and I hadn't had sex for months, and I had been making some new friends in St. Louis. Jerry was to be my summer companion, Byron, my friend for life. About six of us used to hang out in Jerry's old rehab on … Hickory street. This was rehab in the grimmest sense—fallen plaster, mattresses on the floor, and dog poop in the kitchen. Squish!

(Fade in “Never Can Say,”

Ooh ooh baby I never can say goodbye
No no no no no no

fade out.)

But lying beside Jerry at 4 AM with a little pot in me, smelling the acacia trees through the unscreened windows, I thought, "This gay life's really not so bad after all."

(Fade in Gloria Gaynor's “Honey Bee” [1974])

You’re my honey bee [you’re my honey bee, baby]
Come on and sting me [your love is sweet as can be]

(Fade to background)

You’re my honey bee [you’re my honey bee, baby]
Come on and sting me [your love is sweet as can be]

You’re always so busy
Workin’ on love’s honeycomb
Chalk full of sugar down your sweet mouth
Every time you kiss me, boy, really turns me on

You’re always buzzin’, buzzin’, buzzin’
(fade to background)

I settled in to the pattern. Disco was just beginning to thrive. Any bar played Gloria Gaynor's "Honey Bee." The light shows, the upbeat, smoke-filled atmosphere, the possibility of sudden sex--even if it seldom materialized--all these were exciting. I loved meeting guys from all walks and stations of life and I was good at it.

(Fade in “Honey Bee.”)

Love is in the air
There’s nothin’ like your lovin’
Boy, it’s beyond compare, yeah

You’re my honey bee [you’re my honey bee, baby]
Come on and sting me [your love is sweet as can be]

(Fade out “Honey Bee.”)

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